Chris Gay is a Connecticut based Author and Voice-Over TalentView Chis Gay's books, blogs and daily writings
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Daily Historical Humor Samples
January 14
On This Date: In 1968: The Beatles completed their legendary White Album. With the music portion finished on time, they took an extra 13 seconds to design album’s cover.
January 15
On This Date: In 1885: Wilson Bentley took the first photograph of a snowflake; or so he’d thought. It turned out to be just one of the Wonder Twins screwing with him.
January 29
On This Date: In 1996: President Jacques Chirac announced a "definitive end" to French nuclear testing; which explains why Matthew Broderick never got to do the Godzilla sequel.
February 4
On This Date: In 1977: Fleetwood Mac released their eventual Grammy winning album Rumours. Or at least that’s what I’ve heard.
February 24
In 1997: The Australian parliament overturned the world’s first euthanasia law; calling their decision to revoke the edict a “mercy killing.”
March 2
In 986: Louis V became King of the Franks; and by default, the Beans.
March 5
On This Date: In 1872: George Westinghouse patented the air brake. All things being equal, I’d still rather take my chances with a parachute.
March 10
On This Date: In 1965: Neil Simon's play The Odd Couple opened on Broadway; starring British theoretical physicist Stephen Hawking, and actress Jessica Simpson.
March 25
On This Date: In 1409: The Council of Pisa opened. Apparently, they were all sitting on the same side of the tower.
March 30
On This Date: In 1842: Anesthesia was used during an operation for the first time. I can’t help but wonder though just how pissed off the guy who’d had an appendectomy the day before was.
April 18
On This Date: In 1963: Dr. James Campbell performed the first human nerve transplant; henceforth dooming his patient to a lifetime of “Hey! You’ve got a lot of nerve” jokes.
In 1968: San Francisco's Old Hall of Justice was demolished; thereby leaving Batman and the Green Lantern with nowhere to hold their northern California meetings.
April 21
On This Date: In 1910: Author Mark Twain died at age 74. It appears that this time at least, the reports of his death were not quite so exaggerated.
April 27
On This Date: In 1962: The U.S. performed an atmospheric nuclear test at Christmas Island. Now at least we know how all of those toys became misfits.
May 26
On This Date: In 1930: In 1998: The Supreme Court ruled that the famous Ellis Island is located not mainly in New York, but primarily in New Jersey. Ah, well. To the victor, go the soils.
May 25
On This Date: In 1986: In Florida, a 95-year-old woman achieved a hole-in-one. My guess is that she timed the windmill just right.
May 16
On This Date: In 1965: Franco-American introduced Spaghetti-O’s; thus
setting French cuisine back to, roughly, the dawn of time.
May 11
In 1960: The first contraceptive pill was made available, creating a nationwide barrier that was virtually impregnable
June 6
On This Date: In 1799: Founding Father Patrick Henry passed away in Virginia. Ironically, he was given Liberty, and then given death anyway.
June 17
On This Date: In 1994: O.J. Simpson was arrested and charged in the slayings of his ex-wife and her friend; after a car chase that went on so long that by the time they’d caught him, he was already eligible for parole.
July 3
On This Date: In 1971: Singer Jim Morrison died in Paris, France; closing The Doors on a promising career.
July 7
On This Date: 1928: In Missouri, the Chillicothe Baking Company became the first one ever to sell sliced bread. At a press conference to announce it, Chillicothe’s spokesman told reporters, “This is the greatest thing since…since…Oh, man. Sorry- I got nothing.”
July 16
In 1251: According to legend, Simon Stork was given a haircut by The Virgin Mary. I can only imagine Stork sitting there in the chair, frantically trying to determine the consequences of under tipping.
July 18
On This Date: In 1932: The U.S. and Canada signed a treaty to develop the St.
Lawrence Seaway. The treaty ultimately broke down though when neither country wanted to plug the hose in on its own side.
July 22
In 1975: Confederate General Robert E. Lee’s United States citizenship was restored by the House of Representatives. By all accounts, Lee took the news lying down.
July 28
On This Date: In 1586: The first potato arrived in Britain. It took hours to get to the hotel though due to the seemingly endless swarms of paparazzi.
August 8
On This Date: In 1911: The one millionth patent was filed with the United States Patent Office. Ironically, the patent was for a large net that could be used to hold, and then release, thousands of balloons.
August 14
On This Date: In 1979: A rainbow was visible for 3 hours in Northern Wales; unwittingly leading directly to the capture of over 1,300 leprechauns.
August 17
On This Date: In 1959: Oil was first discovered in the Yukon. Strictly by coincidence, also on this date preliminary plans for a war in the Yukon were first discussed.
August 23
In 1566: The Netherlands granted rights to Calvinists; while the Hobbes-ists, sadly, got nothing.
September 14
On This Date: In 1956: The first prefrontal lobotomy was performed in Washington, D.C. After two weeks of recuperation, the congressman returned to work.
September 15
In 1982: The first issue of the national newspaper ‘USA Today’ was published. Also on this date: the first person to have no choice but use the awkward phrase, “I read something interesting in USA Today…today,” used it.
September 17
On This Date: In 1176: The Battle of Myriokephalon was fought. The fight dragged on for what seemed like an eternity; with occasional pauses so that somebody or other could buy a vowel.
September 22
On This Date: 1776: Nathan Hale was hanged for spying during American Revolution. His last words were, “I only regret that I have but one life to lose for my country.” He then added, “And you can quote me on that.”
October 4
On This Date: In 1923: Actor Charlton Heston was born in Evanston, Illinois. His first words reportedly were, “you’ll take this bottle from my cold, dead hands.”
October 7
On This Date: In 2003: California voters recalled Governor Gray Davis and elected actor Arnold Schwarzenegger to replace him. They then sent Davis out to hunt down and terminate Sarah Connor.
October 9
On This Date: In 1002: Leif Erikson landed in present-day North America. An excerpt from his journal from that day reads, “Columbus Day, my ass.”
October 11
On This Date: In 1991: Televangelist Jimmy Swaggart was seen soliciting a prostitute. The spotter must have had great eyesight too, to be able to distinguish the money grubbing whore…from the prostitute.
October 15
On This Date: In 1888: The infamous "From Hell" letter sent by Jack the Ripper was received by authorities, who were ultimately able to trace its place of origin back to the waiting room of the Connecticut Department of Motor Vehicles.
October 18
On This Date: In 1767: The Mason-Dixon Line, separating Maryland and Pennsylvania, was finished, It took over 4 tons of chalk to complete.
October 29
In 1982: The Michael Jackson/Paul McCartney song ‘The Girl Is Mine’ was released. Were I a betting man, my bet would’ve been that ‘The Girl’ ended up with McCartney.
November 20
On This Date: In 1942: The NHL abolished regular season overtime until the conclusion of World War II; as Allied commanders determined that the one thing war torn North America did not need at that time was an extra 5 minutes tacked on to tied hockey games.
December 2
On This Date: In 1867: Famed English author Charles Dickens gave his first ever public reading in the United States. When asked for his opinion afterward, one audience member stated, “It was the best of readings; it was the worst of readings.”
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